Everything Upside-Down Again...

Today was the last day of January. Once again I am amazed, how fast the time goes.

I said byebye to big group of my friends again. One of my dearest one, Aimee, left yesterday back to California. We had a farewell dinner for her on Saturday and after that we had a little dance party in a local club, where my friend Tasha was playing. First we ate in Green Hotel, which beauty never stops to delight me. I think that it is the most beautiful restaurant, where I have ever been. The whole place is full of flowers, candels and lights. Energy there is so peaceful that it feels like time can stop. After dinner it was great to dance and our way back with Apu and his riksha was again adventure. Riksha broke down and Aimee gave us a lift back home…

I am so going to miss my friends from California. Aimee has been my own guide here and it feels so strange, when I don’t have any idea, when I will see her again. We have spent together four months searching the wonders of Mysore. Bubba, Aimee, Tasia and Alin will all see each other back to the States and many of my Mysore friends are going to practice with Sharath in Encinitas this spring, but I don’t know, when and where I am going to see my Mysore group again. It is hard not to be attached to these great people.

This morning I walked to the Shala and I didn’t feel so good. I think that I got a little flu on our way back to home from the party. My throat felt sour yesterday and this morning I had still the same feeling. The energy in the Shala was strange. We had four assistants waiting there, which wasn’t normal, because usually there are Sharath, Saraswati and two assistants. Our group was also almost half empty, because so many people left during the weekend. Before mantra we got an announcement, that there has been accident in the family and Sarath as well as Saraswati are still in Bangalore. Andrew told us, that Sharath and Saraswati might come back during the practice, but they never came.

My practice was extremely nervous today. I did twice wrong poses and I couldn’t stop listening, when Andrew informed the people coming in about the accident. My back felt strange and I had wierd pain in my whole body (typical pain, when I am getting fever), so I did only half-Primary and walked out of the Shala among first students. It was really interesting to feel, how different the whole energy was, when Sharath was not present. Like Bubba described afterwards, Sharath is like glue, which put us all together and when that is missing, we are totally castaway. So I really hope, that Sir is back to the Shala tomorrow and my strange fever feelings are gone. I need some practice now.

Bubbs' farewell dinner is tomorrow and after that I have only three Americans left. I booked my tickets to Thailand on Sunday and I will hit the ground in Bangkok 4th of March. Before that I have to take good care of my back and read some Yoga Sutras as well as anatomy…

Shooting and Can I Have a Kiss?

Today’s practice got an extra vibe, because there was a cameraman in the Shala. Sharath has asked one guy for some reason to film the practice. He shooted last week’s led second series and this morning he was in the Shala with his video camera again. We shouldn’t care, what is going on around us during the practice, but it’s hard to avoid thinking, how my hair is and how terribly sweaty I am. I am sure he got some great grins and shaky moments…

My practice was ok. My back is hurting in Supta Kurmasana, but at the same time I think that I have made a little bit practice with that pose. Warm weather helps, because I am more flexible and also my little stretching program has maybe started to show some results. I did dropbacks with Sharath and once again he was standing in front of my mat the whole time, when I did all my Urdva Dhanurasanas. Dropbacks were stiff and uncontrolled once again. It takes really time to learn those. Otherwise I felt good and strong. My whole focus is in warming up my back properly and thinking about alignements as well as bandhas.

After practice I walked home. On the way home there is one area, which is really dark. Indian man walked against me and I noticed that he was changing the side of the road, so I was awake immediately. He passed me and then started to say: “Excuse me, excuse me.” I just continued walking and ignored him completely, because I was ten metres from my gate. Luckily he was tiny guy, so I wasn’t that much afraid of him. Finally, I turned to face him and he asked: “Can I kiss you?” I shouted as loud as I could, that “Go away, go away!” I think that he was quite surprised and he started to move nervously and looked around. I just kept shouting and he seemed to be too scared of me and he walked away. I went home with my shaking legs. Episodes like that make me so angry. At least I was glad to notice, that I can react in situation like that. And it’s also relieving that Indian men are tiny. If it’s necessary, I will hit as hard as I can. I believe in ahimsa, but I believe even more in self-defense. It seems that I have to focus more on building up my strength!

Osteopath and New Try

Ok. So I heard about this amazing Alex from Sydney. An osteopath, who was highly recommended, for me. And he really was a miracle man. Alex came to my place and we improvised a little bit, because there was no massage table or proper pillows etc. but the final result was great. I got my back back. I really didn’t believe that he could fix it so fast, but after a couple of days from the treatment I was feeling normal again. My back didn’t hurt all the time and I was able to bend forward. Alex was exactly, what I needed.

And today I did my whole practice again. I closed both sides in Marichyasana D and I did Supta Kurmasana, too. I did six Urdva Dhanurasanas before doing dropbacks with Sharath. Sharath waited next to my mat the whole time, when I was warming up my back with Urdva Dhanurasana. Sharath is just so wonderful and I am spoild by him. This living master of ashtanga yoga teaches me every morning. He holds my leg every morning, he waits next to my mat waiting me to prepare some poses, he gives his compassion for me, he doesn’t care, that I am not the most advanced, or even near that, student. He just seems to love teaching. He never pushes me, but he just supports me. He has never let me down and I trust him completely.

After my beautiful practice and my silent thanks to my teacher, I walked out and I drank my coconut. Bubba, my dearest Bubba came to me and he told me that he had a gift for me. I told him, that I don’t need any gifts, because I already got mine, because my practice was so awesome. However, he told me to stop by to his place after coconuts. I went to his place and this sweet man made me smile like sun. Bubba knew that I really wanted to buy Shala’s cotton mat with Shala’s initials. And I wanted to get the purple one, which has been sold out forever. Bubba had hunted after that mat and got one through our common friend and he handed the mat for me. I was speechless. We shouldn’t be too attached to things, but I just loved this mat and the idea, that he wanted to give it to me. Now I can think about him also every time, when I open my mat. He is pure gold that man.

So this is what Mysore really is on it’s best. It’s about true friendship, true love, true dedication, true displine, true faith, true tradition and true ashtanga yoga. It’s learning from your teacher and learning from your friends. Like it’s written in The Living Gita: “The essence of Yoga is: Be good, do good.” I have lately received so much goodness that soon it’s time to go back to real world and pass some of this goodness forward. But before that, I have to practice and learn more.

Faith

So I hurted my back again. And I didn’t hurt it in a very fashionable way doing some demanding poses. I sneezed and after that stayed on my rooftop five minutes catching my breath and feeling horrible pain in my back. I knew immediately that the disc between vertebras in my lower back was out again. Pain wasn’t as strong as it was on first time, so I think that this time I had some luck with me and the disc is maybe only partly out. This is good, because that is possible to take care of faster than if it’s completely out.

So first I was so down. Huge, dark cloud came over me. Why me? Why always, when everything starts to be so nicely with my practice, something bad happens? What I have done to piss off all gods so badly? Maybe I have been serious bitch in my past life and now I am getting so much bad karma. Well, what comes to the phycical injuries, I am strong believer of Western medicine. Eastern medicine is perfect, what comes to keeping you in shape and healthy, but when you have some acute injury, I prefer Western medicine. So I went to local pharmacy and bought good variation of painkillers. I know, why painkillers are so addictive. Those medicines give you an extremely good sleep also, so I have to be careful with that stuff.

After swimming in dark waters, I decided to fight. I went to the Shala and I did my horrible practice. I informed Sharath before my practice, that my back isn’t okey and I do, what I can. I stayed until Marichyasana B, but couldn’t really think going through any serious rotation moves. I was able to keep my breath quite stable, which was positive. After practice, I wasn’t feeling too good, but I went to work in Vivian’s, because I know, that I can get so much positive energy from the people around me.

Positive thinking is the key work of all healing. If you really want to heal and you believe that you can heal, I believe that you will be able to heal faster. Keeping the spirits up isn’t always that easy, but crying at home doesn’t remove any problems. So I went to speak with Sharath and he told be to take of Friday’s class and come back on Sunday. My idea was actually go and practice with Indian group, but because my teacher told me to stay off the mat, I obeyed.

This morning I woke up after good sleep. I did five Sun Salutations, some Pilates exercises and light stretching. What helps the most with my back is proper breathing. When you learn to move the breath inside your body in different directions, it’s an unbeatable tool. I also booked a meeting with osteopath and I hope that he can do some tricks. I am not sure if I am able to practice on Sunday’s led class, but on Monday I can do Mysore class for sure. I can go slowly and just breath.

For me, big part of ashtanga is believeing in this system. I believe in vinyasa. I believe that this whole sequence is carefully builded up and there is a strong logic behind it. The combination of breath and movement is crucial. You don’t skip poses. You stay there until your body and mind loosens enough and then you can do the next pose. Sometimes that can take years. Seriously years, but you just have to accept that. So my challenge is my back. I am not going to start Second Series before my back will be able to go through dropbacks. That will take for a long time, but it’s possible. Like many other things in life, if you really believe so.

My Best Practice So Far…

Today was my best practice so far. I started very slowly and tried to warm up my body step by step. I felt light pain on the right side of my back, so I thought that light start could be the best. I practiced again next to the door and it was a good spot. Little breeze helped me to breath.

Sharath adjusted me twice today (first in Uthita Hasta Padangustasana and then in Supta Kurmasana). I was happy to get adjustment from him in Supta Kurmasana, because usually his assistants are helping in that pose and I have been really looking forward to get a good adjustment in that difficult pose. I was able to keep that pose closed maybe a little bit longer than before. I closed today Marichyasana D alone. It’s not still smooth transfer, but at least I closed it alone. It feels so good, when it’s closed and you can actually straighten the spine. Saraswati helped me with dropbacks. Same problems continue with dropback, I still don’t get that pose at all. My Urdva Dhanurasana was good today and I almost felt no pain at all. So all in all, this was a very good practice for me. The energy in general was more focused today, too. It feels like people have found their spots and are more relaxed now.

Outside the shala some things are changing, too. I am going to start to work in Vivian’s three times per week. Vivian needed to go back home urgently, so me and some other yogis will take care of Vivian’s breakfast during the coming month. I consider this as my own little charity project here. I like to work in cafés and this is a good way to help. My shift is four hours, so I should be able to handle that without stress and I also hope that this will bring some order to my days.

It’s so wonderful that I have my own cleaning lady now, who comes every week. I am very lousy to take care of cleaning, so I prefer to pay couple of rupees to keep my place tidy. She came first time today and I noticed that I have to supervise quite much, what she is doing. For example she doesn’t use hot water, unless I tell her to do so. And she tried to wash all my clothes at the same time. Luckily I noticed that before no harm was done. I think that I will continue to do my laundry on my own in the future and she can just wash the floor. I don’t have so many clothes here and I really want to keep those clothes, which I brought with me from Finland. Here is almost impossible to find sport clothes and those clothes I need every day.

Today I will have a lunch with Tasia and just relax. I am trying to read through Bhagavad Gita for my TT in Yoga Thailand. I finished yesterday Sience of Breath, which was interesting book. Bhagavad Gita is full of good thoughts for the life. It’s full of ancient wisdom and careful thinking. You can’t read it very quickly and you have to concentrate on it a lot, but it’s very fruitful.

Sunday’s Practice and Conference

When we started the practice this morning, the mantra was amazingly strong. Shala is packed and you can feel, how forceful (but in a good way) that energy is with all these people. Today’s practice was good. My body really needs that practice, because after light last week, I was so waiting for the practice. I slept again only couple of hours, but felt suprisingly good this morning. When I wake up after very short sleep, I feel exhausted, but when I start to move, everything feels better. I just hope that I won’t crash at some point, because of lack of proper sleep.

I am still very spoiled in the Shala. Sharath assisted me with three asanas (and the whole room is so full that there is no empty spots on the stage or in changing rooms)… I got adjustment in Uthita Hasta Padangustasana as well as in the end of the series. Today Sharath assisted me with Sirsasana, too. I came down earlier on purpose, because I want to take it easy with my neck. I took it up again after little break and then he came to help me, so I was sort of forced to stay up until the end of counting. It went fine and I didn’t feel pain. It is actually very nice asana to get an adjustment. At least from Sharath.

Today we had a conference at 10 o’clock. It was a very good conference, because people asked interesting questions and not that much questions, on which you can find answers from yoga books. Sharath talked about knowledge, which we can get from other people for example, when they are talking about yoga sutras. He also talked a lot about, how we should focus on our own practice and not do asanas to impress other people. He said, that we should keep our eyes on our own mat. He also mentioned many times that Primary Series is enough to receive Samadhi. One man asked, when we can start pranayama and his answer was, when our guru thinks we are ready. What comes to pranayama I totally agree with Sharath. It takes time to be able to sit still in Padmasana and before that you can’t do proper pranayama. Sharath demonstrated us, how to do kumbhaka and it is very long pause indeed, when it’s done, how it should be. One girl asked about the possibility to do self-practice instead of led class because of some injury, but Sharath told us to come to the led class anyway and practice as long as it’s possible. When asked, can we prolonge the breath in asanas, if we have injuries, he said, no problem. You can stay in the pose eight or ten or even more breaths, if you have injuries. When our mind wonders to the pain or somewhere else, we should start again to focus on the breath.

Yesterday I spoke with one assistant and he said that Sharath doesn’t want the assistant to adjust us, if we are able to close to the pose on our own. That assistant prefers to adjust and take the student deeper in that pose, even when the student is able to close the pose on his own. I think that Sharath wants to leave us alone after we are able to close the poses on own, because then we can keep the vinyasa going and focus on the meditative side of the practice. I personally like to flow, if it’s possible. I have met only a handful of teachers in my life, who are so good adjusting, that I really like to them to take me deeper in the pose. Petri is absolutely the best teacher, what comes to the adjustments and taking me deeper in poses. Sharath’s touch is very light and he knows exactly, what he is doing, so that’s why I am never afraid of him. Dena took me once very deep in Supta Kurmasana, but it wasn’t painful. But I have got quite many injuries because of bad adjustments, so I like to receive less adjustments, unless the teacher really knows, what he is doing. Sharath talked today also about, how teacher should help the student so that he can do the pose in the better way.

I am looking forward to Thailand to learn more about adjusting. It’s very difficult, but I can’t wait to be able to try with so many different people and body types. I suppose nobody is born with perfect touch, but some people are more natural for sure. As we all know, the practice is often painfull enough even without bad adjustments. The flow can keep you more focused and breath will help you with pain.

New Energy, New Challenges and New Home

This week included so many new things. I moved to my new place on Monday. My friend Maria used to live in this place and I like it, because on the wall is Maria’s mandala and it feels like she is here in one way still. The studio is full of books as well as other things, which the people, who have lived here before, have left behind. My start with this appartment hasn’t been the best one, because the fridge is so dirty, that I can’t really use it and I have been without shower the whole time. I have been complaining about the water problem every day, but nothing really happens. I can get some water in the kitchen, so I can warm it and then wash myself, but real, hot shower would be nice. I am quite frustrated to complain about things, so I think that I will give it a new try next week. Otherwise my place is clean as well as nice and cleaning lady comes every week, which is such a luxury of life!

I went to practice on Monday, but I couldn’t practice. I couldn’t turn my head properly and every vinyasa hurted in my neck as well as under shoulder blades. So I did four Suruyanamaskara A’s and walked out of shala. When you can’t breath properly and every vinyasa hurts, it’s obligatory to have a break. Luckily Tuesday was a Moonday, so I was able to have two days off in a row. On Tuesday I tried schiatsu first time. I met Anna from Amsterdam in Anu’s Cafe after my neck problems and she promised to help me. Schiatsu session took two hours and it was amazing. It was so relaxing and it was very interesting to notice the movements of energy in your body. I really loved Anna’s treatment!

On Wednesday I was back on mat. I ate painkillers during three different nights just to get the muscles relaxed and on Wednesday my neck was quite ok. I did really short finishing poses, but I was able to practice my whole series through. During the dropbacks, I felt that the leftside of my body was very stiff in shoulder area, but I went down with Sharath anyway. After the practice I was happy, that I was able to just practice. The energy in the Shala is very different now. Sometimes it feels even pushy and I couldn’t get my favorit spot on Wednesday, because I came maybe a couple of minutes later than usually and the room was packed already. I was practicing in a very bad corner so near a girl next to me, that there was only a couple of centimeters between our mats. I felt so sorry for her, because she was practicing Second Series… I am so glad that I am not tall, because at least I can stay on my mat quite well.

On Thursday I practiced on my regular spot again. I went to the Shala earlier and got a lift from Lucia on my way there. We have new assistants now, too. Jens is from Copenhagen and Renee from New York. I have to say, that the new assistants haven’t impressed me that much, but usually the assistants improve so much during the month, that it’s amazing. I have received Supta Kurma adjustments from both and I feel that my shoulders haven’t been properly done. But it takes a couple of days to get used to new students and learn people’s practices. Thursday’s practice was quite nice again. Saraswati adjusted me with dropbacks and this time I did a little bit better. I am struggling again with Marichyasana D, which is annoying, but no can do.

On Friday we had a led class again. Shala was packed, people were practicing on the stand, in waiting rooms as well as in changing rooms. I got a nice spot next to the main door and there was a little breeze which was this time really nice. It’s easy to see that this light week has been good for my body in a way, because I don’t feel that much pain in my back and also I felt stronger today during my practice. My neck bothers me still a little bit, so I keps Sirsasana up only ten breaths and I also cheated a lot in Utplutih. I hope that during the coming week I will be in shape again.

So many new people have arrived. Johanna, Pia, Marko and Riikka are the latest Finnish arrivals. I have also found some Americans, who are too Americans for me. When the whole dinner conversation is about cleanse and when people are not eating, but only drinking water, it sort of freaks me out. When yoga starts to be only about outer things and not at all about inner matters, it’s not my cup of tea. When the conversation is very focus on Mysore gossip and loosing weight, it’s kind of boring. Mysore gossiping can be fun, but only when shared with your closest friend and in a way that doesn’t hurt anybody. And of course life is very different in Miami, where you have to wear bikinis year around and you see so much plastic around you. But plastic energy isn’t for me, I am more into real stuff.