So it seems that everybody had a tough practice today. When we were complaining about our lousy practices on coconut stand, one guy came over and said thank you, because he wasn’t the only one with a bad practice today. Many of my closest friends here are injured at the moment. And so many have had a flu and being laying on their beds. Nobody really knows, what’s going on, but we keep knocking the wood for those friends, who are fine at the moment.
However, I had a good day today. I went to Sandhya for a lunch with my dear friends, food was amazing as always. After that I did a little bit shopping, got a number from a cute guy for my friend (maybe I am real Mysore matchmaker) and saw my dear friend Angela, who just arrived from the States.
I went to pay my shala fee, again for Usha, because Sharath was playing outside with his son. This was the first time, when I actually had the right amount of money with me and I joked to Usha, that I am finally learning. So no word with Sharath, but practicalities in order anyway.
I went to Maria’s place for a chat and some guys were practicing there. It was amusing to watch their own play-ground (and safe, because I can’t dislocate any part of my body, when I am just watching) and then Maria and I went for a coconut. My whole extended Mysore family was there and one of my friends had so good news that it made my day indeed. Promised to keep my lips closed, so can’t reveal the secret yet, but I can assure you, that this is fantastic news.
I came home late and read a little bit sutras. It was a good remainder from the sutras that practice becomes firmly grounded when well-attended to for a long time, without break and in all earnestness. Like Swami Satchidananda says: ”So, it is not only how long you practice, but with what patience, what earnestness and what quality also.” I have some work to do with my patience. Patience, devotion and faith. It’s not only the amount of the work, it’s also the quality of the work. So it doesn’t matter so much, what I do (in asana level), it’s more about, how I do it. Slowly, slowly and without losing it.
30 Dec 2011
Lousy Practice, But Good Chai
This morning again I woke up nose blocked and frustrated. I still can’t turn my head, so Chaturanga Dandasana is awful. I went to the Shala, queued long and got the spot, which I really hate. I was on the last row, on the cold floor and there is crazy breeze around you. Plus people walk in front of you to the changing room constantly. On my left side was a girl, whose nose was totally blocked. So many people are having this strange flu, no fever, but every morning you wake up face swollen and nose blocked.
Practice was awful, too. There was no focus and body felt heavy. Too much pain everywhere to actually enjoy my practice at the moment. This neck injury is affecting my back and weak breathing doesn’t really make this better. I was so tempted to finish after half-Primary, but I just decided to go through all the way. I closed in changing room, skipped Sirsasana and some other poses. I tried to do Padmasana to calm me down, but just gave up finally. Practice is totally lost, I am beging on better next week. The problem is partly inside my head, my focus is so lost.
After practice I had a coconut and then went for a chai with Todd. Todd is in such a good mood, so he is perfect company for me. He totally got my spirits up and I walked happy back home. When practice sucks, you need good people around you. I have had so much pain during the past half an year, that I can lose my perspective on things pretty easily. People, who have been practicing for a long time and have gone through similar periods, are good to hang out with. This is one of the awesome things here, so many great people around you to keep your head straight, when you don’t have your own will-power to do that.
Practice was awful, too. There was no focus and body felt heavy. Too much pain everywhere to actually enjoy my practice at the moment. This neck injury is affecting my back and weak breathing doesn’t really make this better. I was so tempted to finish after half-Primary, but I just decided to go through all the way. I closed in changing room, skipped Sirsasana and some other poses. I tried to do Padmasana to calm me down, but just gave up finally. Practice is totally lost, I am beging on better next week. The problem is partly inside my head, my focus is so lost.
After practice I had a coconut and then went for a chai with Todd. Todd is in such a good mood, so he is perfect company for me. He totally got my spirits up and I walked happy back home. When practice sucks, you need good people around you. I have had so much pain during the past half an year, that I can lose my perspective on things pretty easily. People, who have been practicing for a long time and have gone through similar periods, are good to hang out with. This is one of the awesome things here, so many great people around you to keep your head straight, when you don’t have your own will-power to do that.
Recovering
I didn’t practice on Sunday, my neck was still off and I got some fever. On Monday morning I struggled a lot. Should I go or should I stay? If I go, am I able to take it easy or am I gonna be carried away? What about practicing at home? I am glad that I went, I did pretty decent half-Primary, Sharath came over asking me about the drop-backs, but I looked scary and said no. He was merciful and said: ”Next week.” So hopefully next week is full power and no fear.
I practiced on Monday again next to Todd and it was just hilarious. He likes to talk. He likes to joke. So I ruined my Uthita Parshvakona B totally, because I started to laugh at him. When Todd was doing Karandavasana with Mama, they had a little talk about the adjustment. I had difficulties to keep my face straight, when Todd said to Mama, that I go down alone and then you gonna lift up my heavy body. He is so much fun and it’s good to practice next to somebody with who you can actually have some fun. Ashtanga shouldn’t be so serious all the time.
Today I was between big people. The guy on my right was tall, but he had so good shala manners. The girl on my right was Russian and they are so pushy with their practices. You can almoust feel, how much they push. I know that Finnish people are stubborn with their practices, but Russian people are on another level. Sometimes I am afraid that they gonna kill themselves (or me). They both did Second, so I moved pretty much back and forward to give them some space. I did whole Primary except Setu Bandha. Practice was heavy, because the shala was so hot today. I don’t do well with that, it feels like I can’t get enough air. Every morning when I woke up, my nose is blocked, so that also gives me a feeling, that my inhale is so weak. So obviously I am not yet in shape, but hopefully I can practice through the rest of the week. Neck is still off, but it’s not getting worst. I feel positively about it, it will heal fast.
Sharath moved my time finally, I practice now 8.30 a.m. I have to pay my next month’s shala fee this week, so he might give me a new starting time. I am pretty ok with 8.30 a.m., because I can still sleep and I finish a bit earlier, so that I will have more time before chanting etc. And I can close inside the shala, which is good for my back.
Time is going so fast here. My first month is almoust over… Bubba arrived last week, Mikko will be here tomorrow, Anriikka is coming in the beginning of January and Aimee in January, too. Time is so different here. People are coming and going, it’s like own time zone. Your life settles around your practice. Sometimes one breath can be so long and then you face days, when nothing moves. Time to take every second in or at least every ray of light. Christmas time in Finland has been very stormy, so I have to enjoy the sun now.
I practiced on Monday again next to Todd and it was just hilarious. He likes to talk. He likes to joke. So I ruined my Uthita Parshvakona B totally, because I started to laugh at him. When Todd was doing Karandavasana with Mama, they had a little talk about the adjustment. I had difficulties to keep my face straight, when Todd said to Mama, that I go down alone and then you gonna lift up my heavy body. He is so much fun and it’s good to practice next to somebody with who you can actually have some fun. Ashtanga shouldn’t be so serious all the time.
Today I was between big people. The guy on my right was tall, but he had so good shala manners. The girl on my right was Russian and they are so pushy with their practices. You can almoust feel, how much they push. I know that Finnish people are stubborn with their practices, but Russian people are on another level. Sometimes I am afraid that they gonna kill themselves (or me). They both did Second, so I moved pretty much back and forward to give them some space. I did whole Primary except Setu Bandha. Practice was heavy, because the shala was so hot today. I don’t do well with that, it feels like I can’t get enough air. Every morning when I woke up, my nose is blocked, so that also gives me a feeling, that my inhale is so weak. So obviously I am not yet in shape, but hopefully I can practice through the rest of the week. Neck is still off, but it’s not getting worst. I feel positively about it, it will heal fast.
Sharath moved my time finally, I practice now 8.30 a.m. I have to pay my next month’s shala fee this week, so he might give me a new starting time. I am pretty ok with 8.30 a.m., because I can still sleep and I finish a bit earlier, so that I will have more time before chanting etc. And I can close inside the shala, which is good for my back.
Time is going so fast here. My first month is almoust over… Bubba arrived last week, Mikko will be here tomorrow, Anriikka is coming in the beginning of January and Aimee in January, too. Time is so different here. People are coming and going, it’s like own time zone. Your life settles around your practice. Sometimes one breath can be so long and then you face days, when nothing moves. Time to take every second in or at least every ray of light. Christmas time in Finland has been very stormy, so I have to enjoy the sun now.
24 Dec 2011
Merry Christmas!
I love my room in Mysore, because every morning I can bathe in sunlight. My balcony is facing the morning sun and my room is full of light 6.30 a.m. I can now wake up without alarm, my body knows, when it’s the time to wake up.
I started my Christmas morning with fresh, self-made orange juice and green tea. I went to bed early last night feeling a bit low, because of my brutal massage and hurting neck, but I woke up this morning happy after good sleep. Good sleep is essential for me, without it I am not myself. I made a good decision yesterday, when I decided to skip one charity party and just stay in. I am not tired now and my sleeping routine is in order.
Today I am invited to Christmas lunch with over 20 people. I am trying to keep my Christmas spirits up and enjoy good food as well as company. I am facing here the same troubles as at home, so many tempting invititations and incredibly hard to decide, where to go. Finally I decided to stay in Gokulam and just go with the flow. Hoping to have a breakfast with Finnish friends and then see my international group.
I miss my Mami today. She is a talented cook and loves to pamper her daughters. I think that my dad is decorating the Christmas tree now and my sister is excited about her gifts. Not the ones, which she will receive, but the ones, which she can give. She loves to buy gifts. I am also missing my dear friends all over the world, who are not with me today. I have shared Christmas Eves and Days with different friends in various countries and I will never forget those times.
Christmas peace is here now. Om shanti.
I started my Christmas morning with fresh, self-made orange juice and green tea. I went to bed early last night feeling a bit low, because of my brutal massage and hurting neck, but I woke up this morning happy after good sleep. Good sleep is essential for me, without it I am not myself. I made a good decision yesterday, when I decided to skip one charity party and just stay in. I am not tired now and my sleeping routine is in order.
Today I am invited to Christmas lunch with over 20 people. I am trying to keep my Christmas spirits up and enjoy good food as well as company. I am facing here the same troubles as at home, so many tempting invititations and incredibly hard to decide, where to go. Finally I decided to stay in Gokulam and just go with the flow. Hoping to have a breakfast with Finnish friends and then see my international group.
I miss my Mami today. She is a talented cook and loves to pamper her daughters. I think that my dad is decorating the Christmas tree now and my sister is excited about her gifts. Not the ones, which she will receive, but the ones, which she can give. She loves to buy gifts. I am also missing my dear friends all over the world, who are not with me today. I have shared Christmas Eves and Days with different friends in various countries and I will never forget those times.
Christmas peace is here now. Om shanti.
23 Dec 2011
Numb
That’s the word, how my massage therapist Joycee described my body. She asked me, what I have done to my body, because my back is so swollen… Just some yoga, you know. She said that my body has taken so much pain, that it’s become numb. Now my body is covered by bruises, some are size of my palm. I am hoping that Joycee’s treatment is doing me good, not sure about that yet.
On Wednesday night I felt pretty good and did some yin yoga. Then I decided to try chakrasana and I was able to do it again! It has always been ridiculously easy pose for me (I learned it, when I was a kid). And I have had difficulties to understand, why somebody couldn’t do it. But we all have our challenges. My challenge seems to be, how I can practice without injuring myself constantly.
Because of that night training on Wednesday, I propably strained my neck. I woke up on Thursday and my neck was sore, but I thought that’s nothing serious and went for my practice. Just to walk out after standing poses. I couldn’t turn my neck to the left at all. And I couldn’t hold any weight on my left arm. So there wasn’t much vinyasa happening…
There was no way taking led class today. I still can’t turn my head. So frustrating, but I am hoping that this injury will heal fast, because I have had it before. It’s related to my back, the pain moves away from my back under the shoulder blades and then it comes to my neck. Normally Supta K can cause this pain for me, but this time it was chakrasana.
It would be interesting to speak with somebody, who has similar body type as I have. I don’t feel that much pain during the practice (unless it’s nerve pain), I am quite flexible, but after practice, when my body gets cold, I am sometimes starting to feel insane pain. Many teachers are assisting me in a very strong way, because they don’t know my body type and I have to often tell them to take it easy with adjustments. And when this flexibility is mixed with very pitta character, it’s pretty damaging combo. So one of my best teachers is always telling me to try less. Sharath is here very protective with me, his assistants are not allowed to touch me. Then I should just learn to protect myself from myself…
So what can I say? Always respect the pose, even the easiest one.
On Wednesday night I felt pretty good and did some yin yoga. Then I decided to try chakrasana and I was able to do it again! It has always been ridiculously easy pose for me (I learned it, when I was a kid). And I have had difficulties to understand, why somebody couldn’t do it. But we all have our challenges. My challenge seems to be, how I can practice without injuring myself constantly.
Because of that night training on Wednesday, I propably strained my neck. I woke up on Thursday and my neck was sore, but I thought that’s nothing serious and went for my practice. Just to walk out after standing poses. I couldn’t turn my neck to the left at all. And I couldn’t hold any weight on my left arm. So there wasn’t much vinyasa happening…
There was no way taking led class today. I still can’t turn my head. So frustrating, but I am hoping that this injury will heal fast, because I have had it before. It’s related to my back, the pain moves away from my back under the shoulder blades and then it comes to my neck. Normally Supta K can cause this pain for me, but this time it was chakrasana.
It would be interesting to speak with somebody, who has similar body type as I have. I don’t feel that much pain during the practice (unless it’s nerve pain), I am quite flexible, but after practice, when my body gets cold, I am sometimes starting to feel insane pain. Many teachers are assisting me in a very strong way, because they don’t know my body type and I have to often tell them to take it easy with adjustments. And when this flexibility is mixed with very pitta character, it’s pretty damaging combo. So one of my best teachers is always telling me to try less. Sharath is here very protective with me, his assistants are not allowed to touch me. Then I should just learn to protect myself from myself…
So what can I say? Always respect the pose, even the easiest one.
22 Dec 2011
Word with Sharath
I went to speak with Sharath. I asked about Setu Bandha and my practice. He showed me, which part of the head should be on the ground and it’s pretty close to the forehead. That pose is a killer for me, I don’t understand the pose and that’s why, it’s so hard for me. I do better with the poses, which I can do inside my head, too. Image counts for me.
He said that I should relax into the poses. He also said, that I am sometimes holding my breath (I am aware of this, but it’s just so difficult for me to breath freely). Maybe there is some strange control freak inside of me. Free breathing was his advice.
And then he said that I should start back bendings next week (this means drop-backs). I am dying. He said that only with him, but I am still dying. This is not just some little fear, this is crazy fear of dying or injuring myself terribly. I said that my back is better (which is true), but now my hip is hurting. He asked, if it’s muscle pain or something else. I said that I think that it’s muscle pain. But I still don’t know about those drop-backs. I can’t do chakrasana and muscles around right hip are cramping after practice. I should massage the hip with oils, but I am not sure, if there is still something else than just muscle pain.
Sometimes I just think, how crazy I am to be here. And how crazy this practice is.
He said that I should relax into the poses. He also said, that I am sometimes holding my breath (I am aware of this, but it’s just so difficult for me to breath freely). Maybe there is some strange control freak inside of me. Free breathing was his advice.
And then he said that I should start back bendings next week (this means drop-backs). I am dying. He said that only with him, but I am still dying. This is not just some little fear, this is crazy fear of dying or injuring myself terribly. I said that my back is better (which is true), but now my hip is hurting. He asked, if it’s muscle pain or something else. I said that I think that it’s muscle pain. But I still don’t know about those drop-backs. I can’t do chakrasana and muscles around right hip are cramping after practice. I should massage the hip with oils, but I am not sure, if there is still something else than just muscle pain.
Sometimes I just think, how crazy I am to be here. And how crazy this practice is.
Christmas Week and It's Cold!
It has been so cold today. Personally I am fine with the weather like this, because as much as I love sun, superhot weather makes me just sleepy. And I don’t like to practice, when the shala is boiling, it feels like I can’t get enough air to breath. After all these years of traveling, I know, that I love four seasons and my favorite climate is in France. Summers in Finland are special, but winters are just too much. Never-ending darkness just isn’t my thing.
My practice today was ok. I don’t have that much back pain anymore, now it’s my right hip which hurts. I have started to lift up Urdva Dhanurasana and I can feel it under shoulder blades. But all in all I am very suprized, how fast the practice is coming back. It feels like everything is there, I just have to put the pieces together. Chakrasana is still impossible. It’s the only pose, which I can’t do from Primary Series. I think that I won’t do drop-backs during this trip, but on the other hand I still have one month left and it’s hard to say, how fast I can heal.
Today I cooked first time at home. I never cook in India, because the food is so cheap to eat out here. Eating out is also very social event here, big part of your day. I get bored with my food very easily, so that’s why I cooked at home today. Indian food is heavy, so time to time I really need something else. Vivian’s Taiwanese buffet is a good option on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but at the moment I am eagerly waiting my avocados to ripe. Last season I couldn’t find any, but we got lucky in Easy Day (a new supermarket here) and now I am just waiting…
Like last year, I assume that Christmas won’t be a big thing here. We will practice normally through the whole week, because Moon Day is this year on Saturday, which is off anyway. My friend Yan is organizing a B-day lunch on Saturday and on Friday I will be working as waitress for charity party. For some reason I am craving after chocolate, which I don’t normally eat that much. Maybe my body is telling me, that it’s Christmas time…
My practice today was ok. I don’t have that much back pain anymore, now it’s my right hip which hurts. I have started to lift up Urdva Dhanurasana and I can feel it under shoulder blades. But all in all I am very suprized, how fast the practice is coming back. It feels like everything is there, I just have to put the pieces together. Chakrasana is still impossible. It’s the only pose, which I can’t do from Primary Series. I think that I won’t do drop-backs during this trip, but on the other hand I still have one month left and it’s hard to say, how fast I can heal.
Today I cooked first time at home. I never cook in India, because the food is so cheap to eat out here. Eating out is also very social event here, big part of your day. I get bored with my food very easily, so that’s why I cooked at home today. Indian food is heavy, so time to time I really need something else. Vivian’s Taiwanese buffet is a good option on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but at the moment I am eagerly waiting my avocados to ripe. Last season I couldn’t find any, but we got lucky in Easy Day (a new supermarket here) and now I am just waiting…
Like last year, I assume that Christmas won’t be a big thing here. We will practice normally through the whole week, because Moon Day is this year on Saturday, which is off anyway. My friend Yan is organizing a B-day lunch on Saturday and on Friday I will be working as waitress for charity party. For some reason I am craving after chocolate, which I don’t normally eat that much. Maybe my body is telling me, that it’s Christmas time…
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