Faith

So I hurted my back again. And I didn’t hurt it in a very fashionable way doing some demanding poses. I sneezed and after that stayed on my rooftop five minutes catching my breath and feeling horrible pain in my back. I knew immediately that the disc between vertebras in my lower back was out again. Pain wasn’t as strong as it was on first time, so I think that this time I had some luck with me and the disc is maybe only partly out. This is good, because that is possible to take care of faster than if it’s completely out.

So first I was so down. Huge, dark cloud came over me. Why me? Why always, when everything starts to be so nicely with my practice, something bad happens? What I have done to piss off all gods so badly? Maybe I have been serious bitch in my past life and now I am getting so much bad karma. Well, what comes to the phycical injuries, I am strong believer of Western medicine. Eastern medicine is perfect, what comes to keeping you in shape and healthy, but when you have some acute injury, I prefer Western medicine. So I went to local pharmacy and bought good variation of painkillers. I know, why painkillers are so addictive. Those medicines give you an extremely good sleep also, so I have to be careful with that stuff.

After swimming in dark waters, I decided to fight. I went to the Shala and I did my horrible practice. I informed Sharath before my practice, that my back isn’t okey and I do, what I can. I stayed until Marichyasana B, but couldn’t really think going through any serious rotation moves. I was able to keep my breath quite stable, which was positive. After practice, I wasn’t feeling too good, but I went to work in Vivian’s, because I know, that I can get so much positive energy from the people around me.

Positive thinking is the key work of all healing. If you really want to heal and you believe that you can heal, I believe that you will be able to heal faster. Keeping the spirits up isn’t always that easy, but crying at home doesn’t remove any problems. So I went to speak with Sharath and he told be to take of Friday’s class and come back on Sunday. My idea was actually go and practice with Indian group, but because my teacher told me to stay off the mat, I obeyed.

This morning I woke up after good sleep. I did five Sun Salutations, some Pilates exercises and light stretching. What helps the most with my back is proper breathing. When you learn to move the breath inside your body in different directions, it’s an unbeatable tool. I also booked a meeting with osteopath and I hope that he can do some tricks. I am not sure if I am able to practice on Sunday’s led class, but on Monday I can do Mysore class for sure. I can go slowly and just breath.

For me, big part of ashtanga is believeing in this system. I believe in vinyasa. I believe that this whole sequence is carefully builded up and there is a strong logic behind it. The combination of breath and movement is crucial. You don’t skip poses. You stay there until your body and mind loosens enough and then you can do the next pose. Sometimes that can take years. Seriously years, but you just have to accept that. So my challenge is my back. I am not going to start Second Series before my back will be able to go through dropbacks. That will take for a long time, but it’s possible. Like many other things in life, if you really believe so.