17 May 2011

Oh Boys!

That’s what my new roomie Adrew likes to repeat all the time. And that’s pretty much, what I feel about this Byron experience. I mean, my focus has been pretty much out of the shala, because of moving out from my old place, which was full of fleas (yes, I got fleas there and moved out immediately) and other non-stop drama around me. People around me haven’t been getting along, they have been fighting or being otherwise crazy. I have really reached the peak, where I just would like to tell people: “Grow up or shut up!” And I am usually very relaxed and easy-going person…

I have moved from dirty house to superclean apartment, where German owner had immediately a chat with us on my second night. We went through six-point list including windows, bathroom, bins, washing maschine, internet, dishes starting from which windows should be kept open when cooking, when we can use internet (because the sound of keyboard is so disturbing), which program should be always used, when using washing maschine (so that electricity bills are not gonna be extreme) until how the dishes should not only be washed immediately after use, but also dried and put into the cupboard. And I have thought years that I am actually adult and can take care of my own business…

All this craziness around me is just making me very tired. Many people around me at the moment are hyperenergetic and they are just taking all my energy. I don’t like to talk all the time, I don’t like to do something all the time and I don’t like to be with people, who are making me uncomfortable. I like to be either alone or with my friends, who don’t care, if I don’t speak during the whole day. I like nice, normal people, who don’t have mental problems and who know about something else than yoga, too.

I have a couple of friends here, but they live here every year and are doing Dena’s three year program, so they are of course quite busy with their own life. And that’s not the problem, I like to be alone and just read my books. Maybe I am just tired sharing an apartment with strangers (and their odd habits). Or maybe I am just secretly missing my home and old friends.

Because of this intense Byron experience, I decided to make sure, that I could in Sydney just focus on enjoying and exploring the city in calm. From the beginning I had a little bit bad feeling about the house sitting deal in Sydney, because the contact person was behaving in unreliable manner and I decided to drop the whole deal. After that I started to go through work and accommodation possibilities in Sydney and decided that the best deal for me would be to take care of kids and get nice housing that way as well as proper dive to Australian culture. I got really lucky and I found a family, which sounds just great. They have two boys plus a baby boy and their apartment is near city center. I was able to negotiate the terms so that I can have weekends off starting from Friday morning and I have my own studio with own entrance. My gut feeling about the family was so good immediately, that it was hard to wait them to say me yes. But they replied yes and I am moving to Northbridge on 28th of May!

My visa is valid until May 2012, so I have time to think about my travel plans. I would like to get another job for the weekends and make some extra money that way. Sharath unfortunately cancelled his workshop herein Australia, so I won’t get a chance to see him before Mysore. Because I might prolonge my travels over Christmas, I have been starting to figure out, what I could study during the coming months. I am trying to do distance studies to Finland, which could be useful in the future, because I don’t want to just travel and then start from zero in Finland again. I am still facing the same problem, I don’t know, what I want to do in the future, I have no idea, who I wanna be. I don’t know, why this decision is so hard for me. I have always done big decisions very fast, but this one seems to be impossible for me. Maybe because it feels so final and I can’t do a mistake again. I don’t have anybody than myself to blame; if I am gonna screw up this one. Normally I love challenges and high pressure, but this decision is making be paralyzed. I am a career girl, I am a city girl, what is my career, what is my city. I have absolutely no idea. I know that I don’t want to be fifty, broken, sharing a house with strangers and just getting by like some people in Byron are. I know that I can do better. I must do better. I feel like I am a rat running around in labyrinth and I just can’t find the exit. I wish that I would be supertalented in something and could just do that. But no talents, so no easy ways out. It’s pretty hard to breath sometimes…

1 comment:

  1. Hey Sis. Take a deep breath and live. You have the wonderful wings and you can fly if you just decide so.
    Hopefully your new family is going to be gorgeous and you can enjoy your trip to Australia. Anu and Mikko just told me that there are lots of Asian so it won't be that much different than Thailand or Bali.
    Good luck for choosing your new career. I try to follow your example and do the same, hard decision at some point.
    I miss you a lot! xxx